My best friend’s sister is an addict, she was addicted to cocaine for a short time a couple of years ago. She sent me this message the other night, quite late and I was asleep. I recognised it immediately as a cry for help. But this is the following morning. I’m 300 miles away and I’m at a loss. Do I tell him she asked? I tell him everything but right now this was just a cry for help, not a relapse and he’s not exactly the best person at handling her addiction. We have a rule, if he thinks something’s up, he rings me first and I help him strategize. I decided not to tell him and reply to her honestly and hope to receive the same back, reminding her I’m at the end of the phone if she needs me and he will be there for her too.
So for anyone who’s recently clean or a family member looking to hear about it, do I ever get the temptation to take drugs again?
The simple answer is yes. I’m tempted when I’m happy, it used to be my way to celebrate and I’m tempted when I’m sad. I want to take them when I’m frantically busy and also when I’m bored with nothing to do. I struggle to socialise without the nagging feeling to take the edge off and if I’m all alone I think about it too. The truth is once you’re clean, it never goes away. I hope with time the feeling fades a lot more because sometimes it’s stronger than others but reality is every move I’ll ever make in life, I’ll have to choose not to take drugs with it. When the feeling becomes too much and I feel like I’m suffocating, I detox my life. I try to remove stress, even if that means being selfish because I can’t be there for anyone if I can’t be there for me. I try not to isolate myself, this doesn’t mean I force myself to visit people or go out partying but I reach out, at least to one person just to remind myself I have people counting on me. I remind myself why I’m clean. Why I choose this life? The good things that have come from my sobriety that wouldn’t if I had chose a different path. Sobriety is hard. Fighting the addiction is hard but it is so worth it in the long run. I wish I could take back my relapse in October because I gained nothing from it, except the certainty that I have a problem and it wasn’t just the lack of self control of my adolescence. But if I’d stayed clean I’d be coming up for 5 and a half years clean. I’ll get there again and even pass that point this time!
As for my friends sister, she got through it and I’ll check in when I get back and help her keep fighting because you’ve got to have people who know what it’s like on your side. I have an incredible sponsor who kicks me up the backside when I need it. I have some great friends at meetings. I also have the best friend I could ask for, he may not be great when it comes to his sister’s addiction but when I relapsed he caught me before I fell back to rock bottom. I’ll be forever grateful for that.
Thanks for reading.