Happy Birthday T

I know I just posted a post I’ve been working on for a few days but tonight I need to wish my friend T a happy birthday. As some of you know she passed away this year after overdosing. I’m so lost without her and when I think of her sometimes I struggle to find air. She was a truly incredible person and someone I hope to one day be like. She was kind and caring. She used to work alongside charities and help people get the help they needed, mostly with addicts and young addicts specifically but she wouldn’t leave someone to find their way if they needed other kinds of help.

Today she’d have been 28 years old. They say the good die young, god that is so true. I hate addiction, I hate that day in day out I am constantly battling mine but I also hate it for the people it took from me. I’m angry that she helped me get clean the first time around in 2013 and I couldn’t help her during this final slip she had. I hate my ex Carl for coming between us and I hate myself for letting him, not fixing what I should have so long ago.

If she were here today, I’d apologise, our fight was petty and she had so much more to teach me before she died. I’ve lost out on being there the day she gave birth to her son, I’ve missed out on his life. Chase John was born almost 2 years ago and was named after great friends of ours who also died. I’m so angry and sad he won’t know her, that although we’ll all speak of her to him that he’ll never remember her laugh. Or that he’ll only know her face from photographs. The life he could have had was robbed from him and I will always be angry about that. She was an incredible mum, she was to all of us when we were teenagers, she fussed over us and set us on our paths, Chase deserved that too.

So happy birthday T, I genuinely hope there’s something out there for you after this life, something better with less heartache and battles. We’re all keeping an eye out on your boy and having a brew thinking of you today, wherever we are in the world. I’ll have Aerosmith or The Beatles on in the car in the morning, and I’ll try not to cry when I hear them this time. I don’t want our happy memories tarnished with my sadness, you wouldn’t have wanted that either.



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