Where are you now?

My Dad left on the morning of the 23rd, escorted out my Mums door by the police as I arrived home to celebrate the festivities. Since then I’ve had little to no contact. He sent me a football shirt before New Years, it arrived at my place of work, opening up to even more questions. Why did he send it? I don’t know. People have suggested it was a peace offering or an apology, Others suggest its him reaching out. I don’t know what it means.

On New Years Day, I got my first text message, it read Happy New Year, hope it’s good for you. Sorry for the way things have turned out this year. Have a good day and I will speak to you soon.

I felt optimistic that the relationship we’ve built back up from the ground over the last few years still had a future. I replied with Happy New Year, I’m back home for the next few days so if you let me know when you’re free I can come by.

No reply. I sent that on New Year’s Day and it is marked as read but I got nothing, just like I got nothing over Christmas. On Saturday I packed up my car and drove back to Scotland. I don’t feel guilty either, I keep trying and trying but he is the parent. It’s about time he made a choice to spend time with me. Without my mum forcing it like she did when we were kids.

I don’t know why I’m getting the silent treatment either. This argument was solely between the two of them and yet here I am being pushed away again. I know I should be used to it, we’ve never had an amazing relationship but it still makes me feel so unwanted. I still feel it the same way I did at 8 when he left. I still want him to fight for me.

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