On Wednesday I finally had my first session of therapy for my PTSD, a lot of indepth questions were asked to try and give the therapist a fuller picture of what we are dealing with. I spoke a lot about things I don’t normally and to be honest even when I do open up I’m usually hiding behind a screen, blog posts or texts, I never openly talk verbally about the things that have happened to me. Even in NA I struggle to scratch below the surface.
Since my session I have been deep in my emotions, trying to process them and find the patterns/triggers that cause the issues I have. I feel like I’m cloaked in a darkness fumbling around for the torch to help me see my way out, I hope that explains how difficult this is for me but I actually want to change. I want to do the work, no matter how hard and no matter how long it takes.
During the session, before and even for a day or two after, I wanted to quit. It didn’t seem worth it to go over it and over it in my head, out loud or at all to be honest. But I had a breakthrough, a small one, that may seem insignificant in the whole scheme of things but to me, it was everything I needed to change a gear and move forward.
Recovery Round 2 